Dear Sir

I don't know who this Ripley chap is but I would like to say, if that's all right with you, that I'm not entirely sure that he's quite right about we English. Take the Constitution for starters - well all right it isn't actually written down, as such, but since everyone knows what's on and what's not on then you don't really need to, do you? If you think about it, we English have lived pretty peacefully with this arrangement since the Civil War (apart from the Irish of course, but that's exactly my point, you see). Live and let live, that's the English way. Not that I want to lay down the law, but it all depends how you look at it.

And the Queen, God bless her ... I know the Queen's Speech is written for her by the politicians, but her reading it out makes it official, sort of thing. And it's traditional, and she does it jolly nicely. Anyway, she's certainly got my vote (not that she needs it) and that goes for the rest of the village too - apart from young Kevin, but he's the taxi driver and he's got to have funny ideas like hating the monarchy. Not that I'd tell him that because I don't like getting up anyone's nose, although he probably wouldn't mind, or at least not much really.

And that's the thing about what Ripley says about Diplomacy and Perdifious Albion and so on. We English have always believed in Fair Play, but Johnny Foreigner doesn't always see things the same way, so it's not really our fault, in my humble opinion. In my view - correct me if I'm wrong - it would help if more of these foreign chaps (and chappesses, I suppose, to be 'politically correct' - hate the term but there we are) actually spoke English properly and so understood better what we were telling them to do. 

Yours Sincerely

Peregrine Styne-Aperture (Maj.)

Cheltenham