A charm of bloopers
Tuesday 16 August 2022
To start with, the term 'blooper' is not that commonly used, so here's Oxford Languages' definition:
blooper
So there we are - foot-in-mouth syndrome.
Now that we've got our terminology sorted out... over many years as a senior examiner of English B HL, I have assembled a rich collection of prime-quality bloopers produced by students in exams. All of the examples used in this page are authentic, and come from the Writing paper.
The charm of bloopers is not a matter of solemnly detecting Errors - it's much more that bloopers are wonderfully and accidentally surreal. They stimulate the imagination, even as you try to work out what on earth was really meant - and the images they suggest can be hilarious.
Let's be clear that to appreciate bloopers is not in any way to mock the people who made them. I once circulated a small collection of such bloopers to a few friends, and a copy ended up in the IB office, where someone took offence and slapped my wrist for being 'disrespectful' towards students. I formally apologised, but totally disagreed, in fact. Everyone who learns a foreign language will produce bloopers from time to time - and rather than be solemn and neurotic about these errors, it's far better to laugh at them, and be relaxed and unselfconscious about such minor slips.
(When son Ivan first arrived in Barcelona, he was still learning Spanish. He went out to eat one evening with Spanish friends, and they sat scanning the menu. Ivan liked the look of the 'pollo' (which is 'chicken' in Spanish), and told his friends that he was going to have the 'polla' (which means 'penis' in Spanish). They stared at him, startled ... he thought that perhaps the 'pollo' seemed too much for one person - and so said "Well, perhaps only half a polla" ... (And when it arrived, it was delicious.)
Anyway, here's a selection from my collection...
Best of bloopers
A restaurant review…
“…Gourmets include the ‘mashed potato inflated chicken’ ... the much hyped rejuvenating ‘raw salad of Greeks’ ... and the famous, and most appealing of all, is the simple ‘Western Chicken Chop’ with mayonnaise spread all over.”
Another restaurant review...
“...the ‘Salmon Steam with Oyster Sauce’. It is delicious and .... mmuahh! Splendid tastes. It is decorated with a pleasant decoration that make you think twice before you eat it. It will makes your saliva drains faster.”
Advice on ‘exciting activities’…
“…you might consider to do sports like snow-skinning, water skinning, water-jetting, wind-serving, rock-climbing, or even parasuit gliding.”
Letter to the Editor, about cruelty to animals...
“Dear Editor, Recently, I saw one of my local residence members had bitten an innocent stray cat. I realise this may not be a big issue, but ....”
From a review of a fashion show...
“…The designers showed the best of their collections where flowers, short dresses and high-hells were the protagonists.”
On the problem of road accidents…
“…Another people espessialy young persons are very dangerous on the road because they often overdrugs and this terrible. Also bed whether on the road can be use for terrific traffic accident…”
A proposal about CAS...
“…I wonder whether I could do something for (the poor). We should help them by execution...”
A Mexican celebration…
“…All the people wait that the president go out of the window and said the scream that Miguel Hidalgo said many years ago. When finally the president go out all the people wake up their arms and with their flats the scream ‘VIVA MEXICO’ between the president. This thing happen for three times, after it began the artificial games that illuminate the sky…”
Recommending the advantages of gap years…
“…This year we will begin to experience adultary…”
And also, a way to break the monotony of theoretical education…
(the curriculum should include craft such as cooking, sewing and knitting because) “…students will gain practical knowledge to prepare for adultery…”
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